upandaway
V.5
Thursday, December 27
posted by Bon
Hey everyone.
So that schoolies was fun way back when, wasn't it? Yeahhh. A great week of not giving a shit about anything. I actually found myself not giving any shits at all, even with that big housing shenanigan that everyone seemed pissed about I just looked on in amusement. (It maybe reflects my position of observation rather than inclusion but whateverrrrrrrr).
So I came home with my teeth all unaligned from not wearing plates for a week and when I put them back in that wonderful sting of pain of the pushed teeth was assaulting. Not much rest was to be had as China was in the coming days so I had to pack and shit, which was pretty simple as just moving the laundry into a bag so whatever at that. With my crooked teeth in mind, I prepped my plates case and thoroughly cleaned my plates in the morning but alas, they were ultimately forgotten as I looked forward to a whole month of crooked teeth.
China. Airplanes. I rather enjoy flights, all parts of it: takeoff, turbulence and touchdown. Brother and I watched The Help and listened to my shitty music and didn't think we'd last the 9 hours until I brought out pinball with 4 hours to go and much fun saw time fly. Now customs. I hate customs. Met with aunts an uncle to drive us back, had a very late dinner of PIG INTESTINES which are the absolute bomb. I love them very much. and went to sleep at Aunt's on pretty much a wooden floor.
Well to be fair, it was a very soft blanket on top of a wooden floor and the softness of the blanket seduced me into shotgunning that sleeping area over a very hard mattress (though still softer than the goddamn wooden floor) but within one night the softness had already worn off. Aunt has a beautiful cat. Visited grandparents that morning, was emotional. Also met cousin's husband for the first time at lunch? dinner?, he seemed like a nice guy. The next couple of days were a blur of overeating and cardplaying. Played badminton once, I was rubbish, but I was determined to beat my mum who plays every week; bro is good, second aunt is good (was once state champion or something?), big aunt was hilarious. Like always. Big aunt and big uncle are both hilarious.
Was it, the 5th? day we set off to mum's side. Dad's childhood best friend who is now an Assistant GM at the government power company (or someshit like that) and badminton extraordinaire, came to pick us up in his pretty much everything automated van, shouting us a stay at the 4 star hotel a stone's throw from grandmother's place. As we were loathe to again overeat, we didn't tell the relatives we were there yet and had a quiet dinner by ourselves before informing the uncs and aunts of our presence. Some came to check out the hotel where plans were made and such and such before bed.
Now I realised this. My mum is the youngest in a family of ten (count them, 10) children which I had met when I was at a very young and impressionable age so I subconsciously kinda gave counting numbers 1 through 10 the personalities of these corresponding aunts and uncles. If that makes sense. As in, my mum's oldest brother (1) is quiet and distant; oldest sister (2) is smiley and motherly; (3)rd brother is authoritative; (4)th sister seems cool; (5)th sister is very friendly though slightly... frumpy?; (6)th seems quiet and a bit lost; (7)th looked the most like my mum in my opinion so I kinda linked it with 10, so refer, but to a lesser extent, to (10); (8)th uncle is a little douchbaggy and needs to be better than you; (9)th aunt is similar to (6)th but more familiar because she's in Australia too; and (10)th. My mother. Ahhhhh.........
She became more annoying than usual once we arrived at her hometown. To give you a bearing on how annoying she is usually, she told us to pack our own shit for this holiday, right? But then she goes and nitpicks pretty much every item we packed and told us to pack another thing, essentially packing for us. But ya know, I have come to not care anymore so whateverrrrrrr. Now back to China, she insulted people more, was more short (not in stature, in attitude), everything, as if she owned the place. Maybe she felt that homecourt advantage or something but please, a lot has changed. So yeah, more overeating with the hugeass family (my grandmother has 8 great grandchildren) and smiling for cameras.
Anyway, the government had decided to revamp that city so the older places were being knocked down and rebuilt. One of those such places was my grandmother's place (and mum's childhood home) from which grandmother had relocated a year prior. Anyway, this called for my grandfather's will to finally be acted on a whole 20 years after his passing and drama ensues, coincidentally the QI episode that week discussed a similar situation. But anyway, a new (5 star) hotel and shopping district (not really, like alleys of small quaint shops) were built and there was a Haagen Dasz. Went to Guangzhou and saw that tower, took pictures of those new structures, and I bought a beautiful pair of Adidases yay. While we were buying, mum tries it on, insists I need a smaller size because apparantly our feet are the same. After it is bought, she complains of her feet hurting from her heels implying I let her wear my new beautiful Adidases. I comply as daughters do. Though I died a little inside seeing them worn first by her.
Went back to dad's side to celebrate Grandma's 81st birthday. Cake was delicious :). Had another trip to Guangzhou with cousin, her hub and aunts. Bought a nice warm jacket at a streetside shop, saw a failed pickpocket, ate roasted chestnuts. Also, another annoying trait of the mother's: acts like she wants to buy something for me, I insist I don't want it, she tries it on, insist I want it, buy it, all this time for her. Fuck. Whateverrrrrr.
Okay then... I don't even remember.. oh yeah got our hair washed at a salon and head and shoulders and arms massaged. It was heavenly. I would totally go errytime I needed to wash my hair. It was only 15RMB which is like, $2.50!!! I could totally spare that every second day. But I guess that's how people go broke. Played badminton again, I was better hahah. Also played some basketball. I had to guard big aunt. She is a bitch to guard, despite being 56!!! Yeah she runs around everywhere..... And all that overeating had made me fet. Fatter than I was anyway haha............ :/
Yeah then back to mum's side. I don't even know why we kept going back and forth - oh yeah parents' reunions and stuff. Anyway was picked up again by dad's best friend, went to his nice big house and rode bikes around the neighbourhood with his daughter. Blah dinner blah blah sleep. Oh wait. This time we floated the idea of staying in that new 5 star hotel to dad, who floated it to his mate, who complied so we're there now. Same distance, if not closer, to grandmother. The bathroom in the lobby is the shit. As in it is beautiful. Showers in the rooms also bomb.
So mum goes off galivanting with her friends, actually pretty sure she only has one, and dad has his friends, so bro and I are left alone for the day. We walk around and explore that new shopping village, I shout him Haagen-Dasz because I was craving, go into a Typo-esque store that doesn't sell stationary but instead teapots and kitchen utensils. An all round hipster looking store. I liked it.
Mum went to Guangzhou but dad was still local so he brings back leftovers from his lunch for our dinner even though we were planning to go for a Maccas run (Maccas sells chicken and KFC doesn't in China! :O) but there was no microwave to reheat the food in our 5star rooms so I came up with the genius idea of a waterbath. That worked, ate chicken, rice and prawns in front of a telly playing the same 4 commercials over for an hour.
Mum calls, talks to brother, asked if she wants to talk to me she says no. Well that cut. Eventually dad told her I was pouting so she pretty much was like fine alright I'll talk to her. Maybe I'm exaggerating but whateverrrrrr right? (I'm lying it's all a front).
I don't even remember what but before long it was back to dad's side before Thailand. Recuperated fro a day before being asked to come out with the other family we were going to Thailand with. Met James and his parents at a new shopping centre somewhat out of town. And just mucked around a bit.
omfgthat'sjustthatbit.
THAILAND
Squished car ride to airport in a 8 seater van holding 9 people, listened to Taylor Swift on James' phone on the ride, watched Hangover 2 on the 2 hour flight to prepare, landed in the humid and hot Bangkok airport at an ungodly hour of night. Taxis couldn't find our hotel because it was new or something, and had to enlist help from other taxi drivers. Cramped 8 people into 2 room for 2 to save money, was horrible.......
Ahh the first day of Bangkok. James' aunt, who made up the eighth, planned the plane tickets and accommodation but didn't plan the activities so we spent the morning walking around like losties. Ate a Viet breakfast in Thailand wtf? Got ripped in buying a 100baht map (found the same for 40 later) and trekked in the sun for a bit towards the general direction of the Royal Grand Palace, munching on bought fruits (PINEAPPLES!!!!!!!!) along the way. We stopped for a rest at what seemed like the front of a hotel when this taxi driver approaches us and asks where we want to go and the usjjj. We say Grand Royal Palace, and he says, oh you have to wear long pants to get in and we were dismayed as who in their right mind wears long pants in that deathly heat?!. Then he says, but after 1pm it's fine and a sigh of relief was had all around. He goes on to say that he could get us a boat tour which would then bring us around the back of the grand palace so we could just get in without charge. And we were like sif wtf? but whatever because a boatride is fun anyway, so we took that guy's an another's taxis to the dock and paid 400baht each for those boat tix. Boat ride was nice and bumpy, did not really last the alotted 1 hour and when we disembarked it was not yet 1pm so we went and got some lunch first in the market. Ate some pad thai, was delicious. Went back and realised we were jipped. Didn't feel like coughing up 400baht a head for the grand palace so we left (but not before I bought some coconut gelato! It was freaking amazing.)
So yeah, back to wandering around when we bump into the tourist police. This nice guy introduces us to this place open only one day a year and luckily today was it. He hails a tuktuk and a taxi for us and we go. We arrive at the entrance and warily enter. A groundskeeper points to my shorts and gestures that I need long pants and that I could borrow them from somewhere, when this guy appears and asks, How did you know we were open today. We say tourist police, and he's like oh okay, says it's fine about my shorts, and take us on a tour around the place. It was the royal mausoleum or something like that and the structures and buddha statues were gilt with actual gold. The guy turned out to be the manager of the place and used to be a monk, now plays golf with a handicap of 10 (my dad with a handicap of 8 offered to play a round with him hah). As he is explaining that in Buddhism karma exists where good things come to good people which is why we found that place, the big boss comes by to show us the inside, which was absolutely beautiful and sparkly. Big boss speaks a little Chinese, also gets to chatting, tells us about the royal jewellers or something that opened today to the public for the first time in 32 years, and that sapphires and rubies for which Thailand was famous was sold at more affordable prices there. So we're like yeah, let's take a look, and he hails tuktuks for us and off we go.
We enter a haven or air condition and free water as we peruse the sparkly gems. My mum and James' mum serious sit down to buy something while we walk around checking out the croc skin purses and silk scarves. Dad buys mum a ring set with two rubies and some diamonds surrounding because her engagement ring was burgled way back. James' mum also buys a sapphire ring. Then we ask the jewellers where we should go next and they're like, oh let us give you a guide to show you around tomorrow and stuff, thinking we were rich mofos and treating us like VIPs. So yay at that, and then they had a driver take us to a well known Thai restaurant which was also affordable, not to mention ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS and yes. After dinner, we walked a bit to the four head buddha shrine where I SAW MY FIRST 2 ladyboys. It was interesting. Except I burnt my finger on those incense sticks what are they? James felt a bit sick so that half of the crew headed back first while the Chang family explored a bit more before also heading back. Oh. And. since they previous night was so cramped, another extra two roms were booked so we now each had a bed yay.
Next day awoke had breakfast at some backstreet vendor, was also delicious. Met with the guide, a nice girl called Rose, and off we went. Honestly, was kinda boring, just temples and stuff, there was one where there was a giant golden "paint me like one of your French girls" Buddha, and one where we could climb and the stairs were steep but that's about it. We had lunch with the guide and river and said we appreciated them and asked if they could take us tomorrow as well to the floating markets (which was a bit away). Talks with their boss and stuff, and they agreed, yay! (Keep in mind, all that airconditioned transport has been free until the gas fare to the floating markets!!!! :O) That night we explored the night markets down a well known street not far from our hotel and I ate a bug.
Next day rose early for the long drive. On the way stopped at a market through which a train passes so the people have to bustle all their wares away quickly when it comes. The fruits there were nice and cheap so we bought loads especially mangosteen (WHICH ARE DELICIOUS!!!!). Then onto floating markets. Which was pretty much, you take a boat down rivers and people on boats sell you stuff. it was really fun. Drank a Chang beer.. Then went to another market, bro and James had a little lunch. THEN WE RODE ELEPHANTS BITCHES. Honestly, a tad dull, but it is an experience. After that it was off to the airport to Phuket. Now remember, all that because we got jipped the first day. Karma is real.
Arrived super early at airport so played some cards and shit. Plane listened to my shitty music before arriving shortly in Phuket, again hot and stuffy. Arranged a sort of tour with a guy at a good price, van to hotel I shared a room with the mother.
Van (arranged with the dude) picks us up net day to some hut thing, before we got on a boat to tour some islands. We stopped at four: the first one bro and I got canoed around by a guy named Reece and into a bat cave with real bats. Was cool but danky. The islands were beautiful :). Second one we found the same guy to again canoe us around; third we actually got off to explore the island, and could swim, but alas our footwear was not appropriate so we didn't. It also started to rain before we got back onto the boat so I guess we kinda swam hahh.. Last stop we got to canoe ourselves and swim, which we did but unfortunately began to storm before we got a good swim in. In between a that was a buffet lunch with delicious pineapple fritters :D. On the back trip to shore, there was some on ship entertainment with some comedy routine where a guy lipsynced, some dancing, some teaching us how to dance, and finally, this kid passenger doing Gangnam style. Le sigh. Guess it was cute becaue he was like 3, and attached to the main dancer guy who was part of the crew but yeh...
That night just walked around main part of Phuket in search of seafood which we eventually found and ate. After that, James felt sick again so they went back while Chang clan explored more. Came across those little fish bite off your dead feet skin spas and bro and I had a go. At first it was ticklish then after a bit it fell really... cool. yes. Then went back and slept.
Next day was another boat ride except this time we were to stay at the island. Some snorkling occurred in the middle of the boat trip but wasn't enjoyable because there were too many people and too few fish to snorkle at. Arrived at PhiPhi Island to a buffet lunch, bro being a true black man ate a shitload of chicken. That evening explored the PhiPhi Island bay which deceived you with all that water but at the low tide you could walk all through it. had an average dinner and slept in a cramped room again, this time mosquito ridden.
Next day hired out a guy and his boat just our crew to check out the surrounding islands. It was freaking beautiful. The water was blue and everything. We jumped into the water a couple times and it was fantastic. Fish everything. This time it was work it to snorkle. Bro and James caught a sea cucumber. We found a bottle and wrote a message in it to chuck out again. I became very (burnt) tan. Before long it was time to head back for our boat back to Phuket.
On this boat we pretty much just drank coffee and slept in the downstairs airconditioned room. Coffee and sleep? yeah. cool.
We convinced the guy that picked us up from the boat to take us to the bottom of Phuket to see the sunset. The long drive was WORTH IT because it was beautiful. Yeah then back to another hotel, this one fancily had the towels on the bed arranged like swans. A bed each here, so yay.
Woke early for flight to Kuala Lumpur next day. Two taxis to the fancy sounding Prescott Inn, I opted to shower instead of going out to lunch. Twas the fateful day of HSC marks but phuckit, whatever. Apparently it was at that lunch that my dad's stomach became upset. We then together trekked to the twin towers, took touristy pictures, and went inside. It was a freaking high end shopping centre with Gucci and Prada and Burberry and errrthang. Went around planning my future LOL JOKES though them Prada bag ares beautiful. Ate wafflez for lunch (second lunch?!) OOH here's something: So we go ask for waffles right, bro and I. And the guy reaches for an already made one. Obviously disappointed because we didn't know how long that's been there. So I say "Excuse me, would it be possible if we got a fresh one?" and the guy pauses, and starts making us a fresh one, saying "very polite" or something. MANNERS, BITCH. Anyway, so off he goes placing toppings and stuff when the top comes off the honey as he is drizzling essentially ruining the waffle. We're like, nah it's fine, we'll still take it, and he asks, Are you sure? and we say it's fine yada, so he finishes the toppings and throws in the aforementioned precooked waffle, because we're nice. so YAY!
After that we trekked to Chinatown and had a mediocre Chinese dinner which was too expensive, then back to hotel.
Next day took train to a bus stop the negotiated with some taxidudes to drive us up a mountain. Stopped along the way for some chocolate shop which had samples to satisfy my craving yaaaay! (China has no chocolate omfg). Then onwards to that mountain where we took a cable car to the top of another taller mountain on which was a couple of hotel and a full shopping place and casino. We the kids explored a bit separate from the adults and found a place to eat. I just had some garlic bread because I was over full. Met back up with parents and went to check out casinos. Amazingly I got let in but bro didn't, James had cameras. It was.... interesting. I don't understand how there could be so many machines. As in why so many people would play them. But yes. Oh forgot to mention, since it was on top of the mountain, it was cold at the place, the first place in ages to be cold. So yay at that. Explored the place a bit more before taking a bus all the way back down to the first bus stop. I just slept on that trip.
That night we set off to another shopping district, Bukit Buntang or something. There, a store had a sale so I bought a pair of wedges 8). Inside the actually shopping centre was the most beautiful Christmas display, and more stores. LIKE COTTON ON! We waited for ages for an all you can eat Jap place and finally got let in at 8:30. Sardined into a tiny booth and got to work with the meat and stuff. Quizzed James on the Kpop playing in the background hahaha.... Had two servings of icecream despite being mega full, and pretty much had to waddle home.
Next day walked to central markets. was a long ass trek in jeans because we had already packed errything and to prepare for flight back. Central markets had nothing much, there was a cool clock store, that's about it. Went separately to get lunches in the food court, I had chicken and cheese chapati? which was yummy and washed it down with a drink called a strawberry oreo which was amazing oh my god. Theeeeeeen it was to the airport, I believe.
At Kuala Lumpur airport James bought shitty earphone because he'd lost his, and I ate candy samples to my heart's content. 4 hour flight listened to T-Swizzle on James' phone, arrived and it wasn't even that cold. Everyone was hungry and cranky as my dad looked for that one place we ate the delicious barbecue goose that one time but we couldn't find it and settled for some ordinary dindin. The wonton noodle soup was the nice. Barbecue goose here wasn't bad either. Then back into that cramped van and back to dad's side.
There we said bye to James and family and snuck into the Aunt's place to sleep. Uncle was still awake haha..
Next day was pretty chill, just caught up on TV shows and stuff. James called up to hang at the hotel affiliated with his housing area which was having a promotion with free rooms. We were like, yeah sure let's go free room and so we did. James' dad and my dad's middle school friend from Queensland was also there with his two daughters, we had a chat and ate a free buffet that was pretty shit and had no meat, and played around with paper discs. It was fun. You had to be there.
They had taken too many hotel rooms so I had one all to myself. I just showered and watched shows in bed, talking on the phone with bro in the next room with James. Was fun. and relaxed. Needed that precious time alone.
Bro, James and I had arranged to go to gym early next day but it didn't open till a certain time so we had brekkie first. It was better than the dinner. That should not be. But still shit, not enough bacon. Yeah then gym, I just biked for a bit, TIRING AS HELL WTF??! and them two I dunno. Hahah.... the mums came by and instigate pingpong. My legs were dead from the cycling so it was the boys against the mums. Pretty close. Once my legs could move again I played a bit and smashed balls. It was fun :).
Then James' Aunt came to pick us up to take us around town, the same aunt that went Thailand. So we go eat some sweet soup and play cards at the table, eat some wanton noodle soup, go to the top of a mountain where there was a temple and a beautiful view of the city, and then to a foot massage place. OH MY GOD the massage was heavenly. They did this thing where they crack your back ahhhh it was goooood. The foot bit kinda hurt though hahah... Was then gonna watch a movie after but mum said nah that was enough so we walked back home because the massage place was just down the road.
Next day went for another hair wash because they are so damn good. This was not as good as last time's but still satisfied :D.After a bit of chilling went to cousin's and her in laws' place and ATE SOME CHOCOLATE :O Also helped to make dumplings, finally learn how to make those nice pleats :). Ate the dumplings and some snake congee for dinner, it was reeeaaaally good. Played cards afterwards, was hilarious wth big aunt and errone :D. Then we had to leave because James' aunt had bought us movie tickets to make up for us not going the previous night so off we went to watch the 12 Chinese Zodiacs, Jackie Chan's 100th movie. It was thoroughly enjoyable. Comedic timing was excellent. Simon was hot, who I not later find out to be played by some Korean guy 8). Yeah, got back at like 12.
Next day, last day. In the morning went to buy a new washing machine for the grandparents, then went to lunch with cousin's in laws. Visited the grandparents one more time before finally it was time to go (the washing machine arrived while we were there.) We were dropped at a bus station with a direct bus to the airport, and said our goodbyes and onto the bus. Slept the whole way there. Bought some chocolate in duty free, slept most of the flight listening to my shitty music until not before long, we were home.
AAAAAAND now here I sit typing this with my plate finally in my mouth and my teeth killing me. It is good to be back.
12:57 AM
